I have been meaning to write for a while but I have not because of one reason, pressure! I was telling my friend how I feel like I am going through an internal conflict of what I should write. On the one hand I want to talk about my Ben 10 experience in Cape Town but on the other hand I feel a certain pressure to talk about current events and “stories that matter.” But my friend gave me a good answer, she said “didn’t you start writing to be honest about your thoughts?” and then it hit me. I was going to write about my dilemma.
I started this blog some months ago and back then I never really worried or questioned what I was posting. The blog was mine, completely. Then as the time went by I started to find myself looking over everything I posted. I looked for typos, I considered who would read my post and the paranoia started to kick in. For some time I have been struggling with this paranoia and also wanting to pretend that it was not there but it loomed over me and my blog and even as I type and hear of Major General James Marks and his comments about Boko Haram, Black Africa and White Africa, I am tempted to start furiously responding to that but I will not.
This also makes me think, that I am not the only one who faces such societal pressure. As people we usually find it difficult to truly be who we are or say what we are genuinely thinking or feeling because we are afraid of what people will say and more importantly think of us. When you are trying to establish yourself in a new environment you will not (most of the time) just start by telling people your awkward tendencies. For example you are new and you meet someone and you say “Hi my name is X, and I love the idea of seeing people being tortured…” The person will most likely laugh politely as they are backing away slowly and you will never see them again (unless they are a psychopath and enjoy that sort of thing). But then again think of those people who are just always themselves no matter where they are or who they are with, the people we call “crazy”, “unique”, “different” and always think how they are able not to feel the pressure or the paranoia! Those people we look up to and respect because they are able to fight off the pressure and be who they are.
I am not one of those people, Self-Consciousness and I are best friends but this is the type of best friend I am trying to get rid of. You know the ones… or not. Hopefully not. And so I think now with this dilemma out of the way my mental block as well will flee.
PS: My friend thinks Sam Smith did a better a job of the cover of How Will I Know by Whitney Houston as compared to the original song. I am torn, because the original has this up beat vibe and strong bass guitar I love however, Sam smith does have a voice that only comes once in a generation. So what do you think, to vote just comment with the name you think sang this song best!