Sometimes the greatest loves are those that never happen.
I find myself giving some really good advice to my friends-if I do say so myself about the topic. They sometimes take it and in the end things end well for them, they get over the break up, they learn to love themselves again or they get their man or woman of their dreams!
I on the other hand for years have been really good at being single (and giving good love advice) and having almost relationships and situationships (this post is something I really connected with).
But then I recently thought I had found my love story. My “aww you guys are cute together” my “you guys are too weird ” person. But then this time I fell at the starting blocks and did not even finish the race. So whilst I was dealing with my break up and writing Exams- its a crazy thing to do but many people have done it before me and I too will be fine. I have realized a couple of things.
1. It’s very easy to feel alone when everyone around you has someone.
When you are that person who has to listen to all the good and the bad stories about how your friends are doing with their significant other life can be tough. I know, trust me. But sometimes being alone is necessary for you it may not be easy but it is good for you. Now here is where I have been getting it wrong for myself all this time before I had my relationship. I was not truly alone I had something with someone, flirted here and there, tried to push for “nothing serious” and all this did was make me half-heartedly invest in things that were taking my time and not enabling me to know more about myself. So if you are going to be alone be alone for realz!
2. Don’t ever force love.
So this is something I have seen in myself and also people around me. Instead of ranting about this let me just quote an awesome poet I love “Someone can be madly in love with you and still not be ready. They can love you in a way you have never been loved and still not join you on the bridge. And whatever their reasons you must leave. Because you never have to inspire anyone to meet you on the bridge. You never have to convince someone to do the work to be ready. There is more extraordinary love, more love that you have never seen, out here in this wide and wild universe. And there is the love that will be ready.- Nayyirah Waheed.” So in short stop wasting your time trying to chase a wild goose! I once almost fell into this trap and it is agonizing and painful, relive yourself please.
3. Don’t be afraid to be open. Be the Superman.
Okay I know that looks like something I have read in some lovey dovey magazine but what I mean is different. Sometimes when you think you like someone and you feel something tell them. Of course the timing is important, you can’t just be like “hey I like you” the first time you see someone because that is beyond dodgy-no it’s not cute. But don’t sit around and play the proud Peacock because if you do you may lose the Lois Lane(without the on and off) to someone else who steps up and owns up. Another thing I should say, people are not all prophets so do not sit and think that the person understood that the hug you gave them was saying “you’re the love of my life.” Human beings are creatures who can communicate verbally so practice that skill!
4. Breakups and breakups from relationships that never were, suck.
Here is one thing true for all things including breakups, the process is important. Breaking up with someone who you actually had a relationship with is hard but at least it is final and you can mourn it because it is gone. But how do you mourn something that never was? It’s hard to do, because in your mind you keep playing the scenes of the kisses that never were, the declarations of love that only happened in your head and the little things you wished for but never were. It’s hard to mourn because in your head somewhere, those wishes are still alive, silently waiting to sneak up on you at moments when you see people in love or hear about that couple that took a trip across Europe. The thoughts will always be there but if you try hard enough they eventually stop coming and you will know when that happens. Your shoulders will feel lighter and your smile will come from somewhere within you, that you had stopped thinking existed. After this happens start again at 1.
That is what I have come to know about this love thing and that is what I leave you with. As for me, I hope writing this will help me take some of my own advice this time. The process is necessary but it’s nasty.
Now let me go and read for my exams!