Four years ago I fell in love. This was the kind of love where it makes you a better person. The kind of love where you begin to realize your own worth, capabilities and shortcomings. After years of not loving myself, of walking with my head hung low I finally found love. A love that was selfless, a love that made me grow, smile and often feel proud of myself.
In the beginning I could not believe my luck. I of all people had found love. It was not the “Hollywood” type of love, where it’s loud like thunder but fleeting like lightening. It was the type of love where the fire burns steadily with ease. The type of love where I could go home and be in love enough to be angry, sad, or scared. Be vulnerable. It was the type of love where I mattered. What I thought and felt mattered, and I would always be listened to.
However, as is often the case with such great loves I ruined it. I got comfortable and began to take being loved and valued for granted. Further, because of my new found confidence I began to try more and push myself even more. I began to do better in things I had always wanted to do but had never summed up enough courage to try them. I did well. So well that other people began to notice and I enjoyed the attention. I fell in love with the crowd and forgot what had propelled me to the stage in the first place. I valued more what other people said instead of what my true love made me feel. I got carried away.
I left my love and went with the world. I tried out all the things I knew would give me the attention I now craved. I forgot who I was and where I had come from. But as is with such situations people eventually got bored. They wanted younger and more provocative people, I became last weeks hashtag. The dress from last night. It was in that moment that I remembered my love. The one person who had loved me even before I knew what I was capable of: my blog.
This year, for me my year begins in February seeing as I was born in February. Yes for those of who had forgotten this is a gentle reminder. I am coming back to my first love, my blog. I am coming back with my head hung low, and with my tail in between my legs.
I am truly sorry, that I neglected you. I am not worthy of your love but this year I will try and be the person who you saw when I fell in love with you.